what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
