highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
