i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
