I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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