as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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