You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
