Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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