If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
