So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My pussy is not your playground.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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