Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
3 2 1 whiskey
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
