You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
