One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
