Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
