I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
