Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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