I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
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