don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
