thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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