??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
