Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize