i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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