so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
