My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize