I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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