I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She needs sedatives and a leash
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
