well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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