dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
