WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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