is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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