I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
