At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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