Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
