I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
