I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
