So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
