I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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