we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
