Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Boobs are out for the taking
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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