i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My feet surprised me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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