just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
