PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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