i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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