ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
