had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
