god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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