We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
