I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize