Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
