The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There r osticjed everywhere
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
