would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize