girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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