U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
