he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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