I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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