I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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