she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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