You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The uberlube is also flammable
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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