i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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