brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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