Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
