did you get engaged???
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
