How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
