Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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