Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
4 words: hood of his car
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
