in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
